Always Sleeping

Can I just say this real quick? And I understand if anyone gets offended, so I apologize up front, but I really hate some christians. Especially the ones that believe that “good christians should give every sinner the gospel because that’s their salvation” or whatever.

Stop confusing faith with truth! They are two very different words. Faith is the belief that it’s the truth, and truth is the actual truth. No one knows the actual truth, so stop pretending your faith is the actual truth. It’s just some idea you have passed on by your parents who had it passed on by their parents and so on and so forth.

If you want to be an educated and good person, get out there and get that education! Question what you learn, don’t just accept it because someone says it’s true! Be good for the sake of being good! Don’t be good just because you’re afraid some goat-legged red dude with a pitchfork will get you if you aren’t! Why would anyone ever stop trying to learn more? Why would anyone ever choose to stop thinking for themselves? And seriously. I mean, truly serious: How can anyone claim to be a loving and good person when they focus so much of their time on hate? When they can hate a person for simply falling in love with a consensual adult who just happens to be the same gender?

When are these wannabe saints going to open their eyes and see how stupid they’ve been? How the female and the black populations have been oppressed and their rights hindered, only to overcome? How religion has done nothing but hold progress back! It just baffles me.

I’m cool if you believe in God. I’m cool if you believe in Allah (same dude, by the way). Hell, I’m cool if you’re some Scientologist or other obscure faith. However, I am not okay with you trying to oppress others simply because your religion says so. 

Here’s how my dreamworld religious debates will go:

Christian: Hello, I believe in God.

Muslim: Hi, I do too, only I call him Allah! What do you think of all this, Atheist?

Atheist: I actually believe in neither. I’m more of a science kind of guy.

Scientologist: I believe that we are immortal beings.

Everyone: Right on, that’s a cool belief you have. I’ve never thought of it that way, but you could be right because no one knows what the actual truth is.

THE END.

I freaking love Skyrim sometimes. Currently, Seraphina is my main girl. She’s a badass Nord. 

However, Clay was making fun of High Elves, so I figured I would make a sexy blonde who only uses magic and a mace (and dabbles in the bow, I guess…)

Best thing? Naming them. Seraphina and Aercalima. Now… What to name my big burly, yet-to-be-made beard man…

• I want to watch the entirety of Avatar: The Last Airbender so that I can finally watch The Legend of Korra.
• I want to have an apartment with a rustic wooden wall shelf. 
• I want every inch of my apartment to feel lived in and comfortable, yet subtly stylish.
• I want my wardrobe to be at least 60% vintage.
• I want that for my apartment, also.
• I want a garden.
• I want to spend my summers in overalls, working in the dirt.
• I want to spend my summers on the water, whether in a canoe, or in a lakehouse.
• I want him paddling behind me, flicking river water onto my back and laughing as he tips me overboard.
• I want a massive bed, topped with the most extravagantly comfortable padding and blankets.
• I want salt and vinegar chips.
• I want a plane ticket.
• I want to take Figgs off-roading
• I want Cat to cuddle next to me at night.
• I want unlimited gas in Figgs.
• I want the motivation to work out.
• I want him to plan dates.
• I want to be happy.
• I want to kiss without any worries.
• I want privacy.
• I want to fall asleep next to him without the threat of someone getting upset; without anything to do the following morning.
• I want to know where I stand.
• I want their friendship.
• I want more photos of us, and all of my friends.
• I want satisfaction.

Okay. For those of you who don’t know me personally, I’d like to preface this rant by saying that I have a wonderful boyfriend with whom I  celebrated our anniversary with on June 1st. I am very much in love with him, and him me, and I’m not the type of person to even consider cheating. That being said, here is my life:

May 31st, I attend the birthday party of this guy I know’s older brother. It’s a lot of fun, and I end up driving the guy home since he’s drunk. In the car, we’re talking about how we’re glad we ended up being friends and all that since we used to have mad crushes on each other back in the day that never amounted to anything. I made some comment about how our friendship works out now because we’ve already moved past the attraction phase. He shook his head laughing, and stated “Well, let’s just say I respect Clay. We’ll end that conversation there” and got out of the car mumbling some more technical reasons why we wouldn’t work out. My gut instinct was to be upset that he would even consider ruining our friendship, and as I thought more on it, I realized that I had wanted him to say that to me for years. All of my wildest dreams had come true, but I didn’t want anything to do with them. I was angry that the words were said because I truly loved Clay, and my sophomore year crush was not even a blip on my radar. 

Then tonight, this boy who I never really talked to, but my friend group lusted after for years texts me “puleese marry me” out of the blue. We talk about his modeling career in LA, and he keeps hitting on me, telling me how Kat von D has nothing on me, and how he misses seeing me so much, and calling me wifey. This boy tried to hook up with me around the same time Clay and I were first talking, and my friend group said I should’ve done something then. I’m so happy I didn’t do anything then, and even happier for not doing anything now. 

Within a week of my anniversary, all of these classically attractive boys come out of the left field and talk about how they like me. What? No. Clay’s my one and only. Whether you be awesome at making coffee, or a model in LA, you have nothing on my Dungeon Master.

     Holy fuck. So my great aunt was very recently diagnosed with a lot of back pain, making sitting in a church pew very difficult for her. Since going to church is one of her favorite things in the world, I figured I’d come over and visit her during the times she would be at church before I work to cheer her up and help her pass the time. I wasn’t able to make it this Sunday, so we rescheduled for today. My big mistake. 
     I get there, and I plan on helping her fix some food or maybe doing some chores for her since she isn’t moving too much. Nope. I sit down on the couch, notice the news is on, and make the mistake of asking her what she’d been watching. Of course, she’d been watching Channel 19: Trinity 24-hour Christian channel. Is there anything wrong with this? No. There was something off, however, with the story that followed this announcement.

     She goes on to explain this story she had watched about a Muslim man coming to the Bible Belt in order to convert people to Islam. She was talking down about him, and how “the poor boy actually thought that converting people to Islam was a noble calling”. Basically, this guy gets in a car wreck, and is taken to the hospital where the doctors tell him he’ll be taken care of (of course, she tells me that the Muslim man was frightened when he heard this, because when you’re Muslim and someone tells you that, it means they’re going to kill you). Seriously? That’s not something Muslim people say, that’s something a murder says. Some Muslims are murderers, but hell, so are some Christians. It was such an ignorant statement. Anyway, the Christian doctor takes him into his home and treats him as family. When the Muslim was better, he returned to his apartment and grabbed his gun. He apparently prayed to Allah and asked him for guidance, saying that he couldn’t go through will killing the Christians (when the fuck was that even suggested?) and he needed Allah’s help. Allah “of course didn’t answer because Allah isn’t real” (okay, Allah isn’t real? Neither is your God because they’re the same fucking person), and so he prayed to God (wait what? I thought he just did that) and God’s light filled him up. Now he travels the world teaching Muslims to convert to Christianity. “Isn’t that a beautiful story, Alexandra”?

     She must have seen the disgust on my face, because she immediately said that she had to pray for me right then and there because she had a heavy heart. She sat next to me and held my hand and she goes on a ten minute rant to God, asking him to save my soul and open my heart to Jesus because “Jesus is the only way to get into heaven”. She also talked about how I needed to learn to get baptized, along with my mother and father. After this long… repetitive prayer, she turns to me and lectures me about how I need to get baptized if I ever want to see the pearly gates, and how sad it is that my uncle was never saved and is consequentially residing in hell now. Oh! Not to mention she was going through all of the promises one makes when they’re being baptized. Apparently, giving the Methodist church 10% of your income is a big part of being saved now. 

     I don’t know about you, but when someone says that they’ll pray for me, it comes off as an extremely bitchy comment. It’s flat out saying that there’s something terribly wrong with me that needs fixing. 

     I just want to say, again, that I have nothing wrong with Christianity or any faith for that matter. I do have an issue with people pretending to know the truth when they don’t. No one knows the truth. Please stop telling other people you do.

As horrible as it may sound… I’m actually really excited for the day that the bigoted assholes all die out. I guess that day will never come since assholes keep having kids and training them to be mini-assholes as well, but we’re about a generation away from having most all of racism against blacks die out. Think of how many people talk about how their grandparents wouldn’t “let them date a black guy” because of how they were raised? It’s disgusting. One more generation, and most of that attitude will disappear. I can only hope that I see the majority of discrimination against the LGBTQ community die out in my lifetime. 

Also, side note, I came out to my parents about being agnostic/atheist. Well, my friends already knew, but I figured I couldn’t hide it with all of my anti-religion comments lately around the house. I could never tell my grandfather nor my great aunt though. They’d die right on the spot. They’re so concerned with me going to hell as is because I’m a heathen for not going to church. Ignore the fact that I’m a good person, and actually care for the humans here on earth this very second since it’s 100% real and everyone can agree on that, I’m just setting myself up for the underworld or whatever.

Seriously, I don’t have anything against people having faith. I’m all for faith! I believe that there could be something more out there, I just have no idea what it is, nor do I think it really cares that much about us. That’s my opinion, and you have yours. I do have an issue with organized religion. It has caused many an issue with the past, and it will cause many an issue with the future. No one wants to update their religion, it seems, despite the times changing. Do they want to be stuck in the past? I don’t understand it. I respect that they have an opinion, and it’s not my place to say that they’re wrong. It is my place, however, to tell them they’re wrong for discriminating against people based on their sexuality. It’s everyone’s place to do so. Bigots shouldn’t be tolerated. 

Also also! I’ve been thinking a whole lot, and the entire premise of their argument is flawed. People want to say that being gay is a choice, yet, they also say that it’s unnatural, and that’s why God hates it. Well, if it’s a choice, they’re saying that they made the choice to be straight. Don’t they realize that means that being gay must be natural since everyone experiences gay tendencies, and it’s their personal decision whether or not to act on them? Seriously people. Think about it.

There have also been people who have asked me why I care so much, and who have accused me of being closeted. First, I care so much because I care about humans. I care about people. I care about equality. There’s that golden rule, remember? Treat others the way you’d like to be treated? Well, I sure wouldn’t want someone out there screaming at me that I’m going to hell just because I enjoy kissing boys. Or trying beat the heterosexuality out of me because I was born with an attraction to men. Why would I be okay with someone else going through that? Not to mention the suicides and depression cases that are sure to follow such hatred. And second, no, I am not gay. I believe that you don’t have to be the one directly suffering to care about an issue. As Anne Hathaway said, I’m your family. I support you because I love you. 

Side note: I would make the fuck out with a girl in front of the Westboro Baptist Church protesters if I ever had the opportunity, however. Just to see them squirm.

Edit: I’d like to apologize for my lack of correct grammar. I haven’t had much sleep, and it’s wearing on me. Also, I want to clarify that I do not under any circumstances want to harm people who are bigots. I’m not excited for them as a person to die, I’m excited for their beliefs on gay rights and other forms of discrimination to die. 

Second Edit: My mom’s reaction? “Well, I’m agnostic, too if we’re being honest. The only reason I feel bad about missing church is that your Aunt Dot and Papaw are upset because they think we’re going to hell”.